Forgive or not to forgive was the challenge that I faced in my life. I held onto some much hate and anger that forgiveness wasn’t in the table. All did was constantly remind people, myself and those around me. How I was hurt and how nobody did anything to fix the hurt that was created. But all I was doing was pulling myself inside a deeper hole. Each time I didn’t get the response that I wanted I would get mad. Each time I would feel more rejected, and less loved. My hate toward people would increase, and my trust, in turn, would decrease. I was feeding my hatred and anger with every interaction with the people I met. I didn’t enjoy this feeling, but for some reason, I couldn’t stop, it was feeding me, and I ate every bit.
Even through I ate up all the negativity I was still hungry. I couldn’t understand what was going on. I should have felt satisfied with all the negative input. But I slowly began to realize that the more hate and anger I put into my world, the more pain I ended up causing myself. I thought that the constant reminders were going to help me deal with the pain, anger, sadness, and emptiness that I felt. I fell into a vicious cycle and felt worse with each negative thought in my head. It had to stop, but I didn’t know how.
So I began with what I did know how to do. I knew how to evaluate my present situation, so I started to look at myself and want I needed to take away the discomforts in my life. After an evaluation of my current life and my relationships, only one solution to the problem came to light. I had to let go of pain, anger, sadness, and hate. I even realized I had to let go of people. However, for me to release the hurtful things, I had first to forgive myself and the people that hurt me. It dawned on me that without true forgiveness I would continue to hold on to the past feelings. So I decided to write a letter to everyone that had hurt me or caused me pain. In the letter, I released everything I told them how they made me feel, how they hurt me and how it affected my life. At the end of the letter, I wrote to each person what I had learned from what happened between us, that I forgive them and I wish only the best for them. I told them that they are off the hook. It took me three days to write these letters, and I delivered each one in person. And as I released each letter, I felt freer and freer. But the last message was the hardest because it was addressed to me. As I read it, I cried tears of release and joy instead of tears of pain and anger. I was free at last!!
I choose to forgive and take back my life. Every day is still a challenge, to stay focused on the commitments and the promises that I have made to myself and others. But each day gets easier as I fill myself with things that give me joy, love, and happiness. But it doesn’t end here. I need a favor from all my awesome readers. I understand, and I hope you also agree that not everybody learns the same way and that we all process information differently. So I’m reaching out to you – my community – for help because I want all of us to grow together. So if you have any advice that you believe can help someone or have useful information to add, please do let us know in the comments section because each one of us is a teacher and an educator!